Giving the greatest gift of all – A decision from the heart

By Graham and Trish Brown

Few events in life can eclipse the pain and sadness a family suffers when a child dies. No-one can imagine how just one phone call can change your life so dramatically. At that time, 10 years ago, we never believed that anything would alter our family unit. Your children aren’t supposed to die first!

Richard was 19 years old at the time of his car accident and was the “middle” child with two sisters, Heather and Lisa.

It was when Richard was declared brain dead that we decided to approach the Organ Donor Foundation at Milpark Hospital in Johannesburg. The care and love that was shown to us during this time was remarkable. The whole process was explained to us and as a family we all signed the necessary documentation.

At the time we had no idea of the impact this would have on the lives of many other people, and, what it would mean in our lives too. We are often asked “How many people did you help?” Well, it was not about how many people, it was about making a difference. It is important for families to believe that their loved one will rest in peace no matter how many of the physical organs have been removed.

This event was the beginning of a roller-coaster ride. Shock, heartache, loss and emptiness. For the girls, losing a brother and a friend was something they had never imagined. Being the eldest, Heather lost a “little’ brother who was a whiz on the computer and could help her navigate the internet. Lisa felt the loss of a “big” brother who took care of her. Even when she got married a few years ago, she said it felt like there was somebody missing from all the excitement. For us, as parents, one of the greatest disappointments is that Richard would never reach his potential in the many fields that interested him. We now know that the decision to donate his organs was made from the heart because we know that the heart is the voice of the soul.

The only consolation we can offer to others, is you learn to live with the loss (this void you have in your life) but you will never get over it. The loved one will always occupy a space in the hearts of those left behind.

In the years that followed, we were approached by the Organ Donor Foundation to do an advertisement for the TV, another interview for the You and Huisgenoot magazine, a write–up in the Sunday Times and a tape for an American company. Each time you live the trauma but are always hopeful that it will help “Someone”.

I know to-day that if we had been closer to God and more committed in our faith, that we would possibly have had a different view on how our lives had changed and what was expected of us as a family. God is good and He gives freely of His grace and, for that we are forever grateful.

Although being able to help others is a wonderful thing, it hasn’t lessened our grief. It is difficult to say whether we would have felt any different had we not donated Richard’s organs but friends who have been in a similar situation regret not having known this option was available to them.

When we meet recipients in our lives, we are able to “see” what it means when they receive “The Gift of Life”.

In life there will always be “Someone” who has suffered the pain and the loss to give “Someone” this precious gift so that “Someone” may experience a better quality of life and realize that “Someone” really cares.

Thank you for giving us the opportunity to care.